Wednesday, January 19, 2011

It's Not Bragging--It's on Facebook!

I am sure there are probably a billion and one posts about this cruising around out there on the information highway, but I'm way too lazy tired eager to get this post written to try to find out.

Evidently, when someone is posting their status on Facebook all social taboos about shameless bragging go out the window. What's more, many people don't seem to care. I don't know who's worse: Bragley Braggerson* or those who validate Bragley's bragging by commenting on it.

I would love to comment on those updates too. You have NO IDEA how much, but I don't think my type of response is really what Bragberta McBraggart* is hoping for. Thus, despite my fingers' desire to fly across the keyboard, they remain still and silent. (Hey, maybe I should go post a status update about that poetic sentence I just wrote.)

My digits remain silent on FB, but that isn't stopping them from typing what they want to here.

So, I will offer up actual statuses of some of my FB "friends" and how I would have commented on them if I were as socially inept as they are.

Bragalotta Bragorovich* "Can't believe how red my face looks after a seven-mile run!"

Comment from Her Randomness "Can't believe how huge your ego seems after reading your last seven updates!"

Braggi O'Braggen* "Can't decide between cleaning my house or running a few miles!"

HR "Can't decide between watching t.v. and eating a hot fudge sundae, because I'm too d*mn lazy to get off the couch and make myself a hot fudge sundae."

DeBragra Bragorski* (Status, complete with screenshot of her kid's report card) "Wow, can you believe these grades? Straight A's, as usual!"

HR (comment, complete with screenshot of DeBragra's status update) "Wow, can you believe how obnoxious you are? Full of yourself, as usual!"

Finally, I have a status update that I have fantasized about posting as a collective response to the never-ending spate of posts about how many crunches, lunges, curls, leaps, twists, and sashays the updater has done that day, and those freaking 5ks...don't even get me started.

Her Randomness "Just did 521 jumping jacks, hurdled a tree stump, swam the English Channel, folded 16 origami swans, climbed Mt. Everest, won an international log-rolling contest, and still had time to eat a 2 lb box of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts!"

I'd post it, but do you think any of the bragfesters would get the message? My guess is no.

My thoughts on people's updates about the antics of their evil demon spawn precious little darlings, the vague "I want everyone to be concerned about me" updates, and people who barely acknowledge my existence in real life trying to befriend me on FB so they can look So Totally Popular Cuz they Have a Gazillion Cyber-Friends!!! can wait for another time.

Now I'm gonna go update my status to "The 2.47 people who read my blog are super-loving it!"

*Names changed to protect the arrogant.


  1. Odd post from a random brother that randomly selected to comment on your random wanderings through the random braggings of random braggarts.

    Randomly yours,


  2. I barely had time to get this read as I finished my 3rd memoir, made duck a l'orange for lunch, homeschooled my 3 year old who is entering the equivalent of 8th grade, ran to your house and back (you can thank me later for cleaning your windows) and then cured my family of all financial problems, but I had a few minutes to kill before feasting on the delicious meal my kids made for me, without even being asked. Aren't they precious?

  3. Both of your comments made me LOL. Thanks for reading :)

  4. I'm bored and I'm going through withdrawls. Where are more posts?

  5. Your resolution is heading down the tubes, spiraling quickly. Better write a new post, quick!