Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Resolved to be Random (and Realistic)

If you want to thank (or smack down) the person responsible for me finally posting a little something, something here, then you need to look for whoever came up with the notion of making New Year's resolutions. (Good luck, I hear smacking bone-dust is pretty rough).

Yes, we're 12 days into the year, but I think everyone needs a 10 to 15 day grace period before the whole being resolute thing kicks in. I mean, can I really be expected to compose a list of goals when coming off a sugar cookie high?

So, I thought long and hard of what I could resolve to do beyond writing random musings for the perusal of the 3.6 people who are likely to read this. And guess what? I resolved that this year I am going to make realistic resolutions and give up any pretense of wanting to accomplish something worthwhile, aimed at making me a better person.

Seriously peeps, reaching those types of goals requires effort and sacrifice. Who has the time and energy for that? My real resolution is to resolve to be resolute about things that will make me feel like I've accomplished something mediocre and become a tiny bit less of a horrible person.

Baby steps, Baby!

Now, instead of this list:

1. Stop calling every third driver on the road something that ends in a**.

2. Remind myself that chocolate milk is not a food group, nor does a glass or two of said beverage constitute a healthy, balanced meal. (Even when accompanied by a Pop-Tart).

3. Refuse to gossip or to listen to defamatory remarks of any nature.

4. Look for the good in others.

5. Write 5 to 10 pages per day.

I have this list:

1. Save cursing for drivers who: cut me off, don't know the purpose of a turn signal or that such a thing even exists, can't manage to stay in their own freaking lane, or do some other idiotic thing that completely ticks me off. (It is possible that this could be less than every third driver).

2. Remind myself that I don't give a flying monkey about what constitutes a healthy, balanced meal. (And me love Pop-Tarts).

3. Just gossip about--and take fiendish glee in the misfortunes of--people I really hate. (Which leaves me free to talk bad about virtually everyone. Yippee!)

4. Notice only one thing that bugs the living crap out of me about each person I encounter.

5. Drag myself away from the enticing embrace of the interwebs long enough to write 5 to 10 pages per day.

On that note...I'm out!

1 comment:

  1. I was going to post one word - Poptarts, but it's in your first post. Whoda thunk it?